Have you ever just had a shitty week? Like most of the entire week was shitty for me. I forgot I was out of one of my meds and omg! The affect it had on me had me confused until today--ah ha! I said, that damn medicine!!!! I felt like an idiot. My whole week mentally was off because of one med? Like for real, I take 4 and this little one had me off??? That shit is scary and I never want to feel such intense negative emotions ever again. And to put salt on the womb, I had to completely disconnect, delete, and unfriend someone who I thought was a real friend. We have been friends for 6 years and it went from sugar to SHIT this past year. Ya'll have no idea how much shit they brought into my life and then it eventually became my burden too. This was not me, but it was me... I knew better than to let someone use me. To blatantly disrespect me. To constantly humiliate me. Showing me they are a chronic liar. Making it crystal clear I wasn't a good enough friend. But I stayed and tried to mend the friendship, we both agreed. Then sugar went to shit again, and again, and again. In the 4th quarter, I finally had had enough. None of my friends had ever treated me so unkind and ugly ever! So, when I had enough that's when I gained my self-confidence back. my self-love, and was able to separate my heart and head. I really like a song my Sade its called "Love is Stronger Than Pride." This used to be one of my favorite songs, but not anymore. My pride--unfortunately is going to win this battle. I'm, praying it does because this friendship meant the world to me and it was snatched from underneath me as if i were standing on a rug and someone pulled it and I landed on my face. I had to let go. I could no longer bear the vases that are made for holding and keeping beautiful flowers safe---being thrown at the wall, getting shattered, and the pieces are left. Not for them to clean up, because they walked away, but I was left to pick them up. I had really had enough at this point. Because it was not the first time the pieces were laid before me to pick them up.
I have so many tools under my belt to help me when a tragic life event happens to me, but this week I was stuck like chuck ya'll. It wasn't until today that I REALLY HAD HAD ENOUGH. This was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a very, very long time.
I am going to miss her.
I just hope I don't forget theses meds again! And I keep the strength that I gained this week.
Brandlyn Owens is passionate about exploring and educating herself and others about mental health topics. She's a momma of 2 kiddos and she resides in Durham, NC.