New Year, yup it's here!
I extend all the joy and happiness to you in this new year. Ya'll its been a year for us. Many of our mental illnesses have gotten worse since the pandemic. I know mine has. My anxiety, bipolar, and depression has definitely gotten worse. I've done my best to take care of myself and that I had to come to terms with. What about you? How have you handled your mental health during the pandemic? What are your goals moving forward. I would recommend talking to trusted people and therapy for outlets, safe spaces, and for your sanity!
This year I miscarried, lost several family members, separated from my husband, and these life changes have been so difficult at times, my Xanax couldn't stop the panic attacks. But what I did find is that my weighted blanked does wonders for me; if you can find one and afford it---try it immediately!
This year I have BIG GOALS THAT BEGAN AS DREAMS! THAT WILL NOW TURN INTO MY REALITY!!! I want the same for you! Take charge of those dreams and make them a reality!
So, my Brain Dump. If you don't know what this is, you're about to find out. I'm dumping everything in my mind that I need to get out. First of all, I feel like I'm damaged goods because of some poor choices I've made. I miss my baby so much and the miscarriage bothers me in my dreams almost nightly. I am worried about finding a job. I lost my job due to covid back in September...and boy oh boy it has made me feel so inadequate. I have several degrees and I have applied for so many jobs. I feel like at 36 years old with 2 children to support. I'm like wtf!!!! This has severely affected all of my mental health diagnoses. So, my PTSD is in overload because of losing my job. My anxiety got so bad I needed a new prescription- I've only had a few panic attacks once this medicine was prescribed. And you're talking about depression. I can't even explain how many of my methods for my bipolar I've tapped into to keep me from going into a Manic episode or full on Mania. Bipolar scares the shit out of me, like really. The polar opposites seem to be more present in me than the even keel middle ground. If you have bipolar how do you know when you're going into Mania?
For me, I can't sleep. My ambien doesn't work, and I am up for 24-48 hours. Ugggghhhhhh. This is so not healthy, but there goes bipolar. I do not like unwanted personal suggestions, I know some people in my life sometimes mean well, but last year almost made me turn into a LION with all of the negativity--which will not exist in my life anymore. I've set boundaries and I plan on keeping them. I am finally able to get back in with my therapist and she's so amazing! I can't wait to start our sessions again next week! I made some regrettable decisions that haunt me sometimes at night when I'm trying to sleep. I wish this would stop. I need to revise my daily routine. I know I need to and that dream will become a goal, then I will succeed. What else is on my mind???? So much more, so I'll stop with the brain dump now.
Brandlyn Owens is passionate about exploring and educating herself and others about mental health topics. She's a momma of 2 kiddos and she resides in Durham, NC.