Sometimes I just want to be alone

    If you ask my best friends from college and I tell them sometimes I just want to be alone they would laugh!
​ I am such an extrovert--I gain energy by being with and around people. I love to dance, cook for others, laugh out loud a lot, concerts, visiting family sometimes, and one thing I don't worry about is who sees me who communicates with me because I love talking lol. 

   But sometimes, this extrovert just wants to be ALONE. I am married, I have a 4 year old, and a 6 year old, work full time, and I also work part-time. It's like during the day while I'm at work having taken my adderall I can work and work and be so productive. Very productive. While I am working this is one time that I want to be alone. I keep my office door closed 95% of the time. Why you ask? I think it has something to do with my 
anxiety---worrying that what I'm doing is not enough and someone will see me. Makes no sense right? Welp....
that's how I feel. 

   Once I get off from work, I am usually energized! You know that feeling, even if its not Friday, when the work day ends I'M EXCITED AND FULL OF ENERGY. As I am driving home from work, I realize that I'm coming home to my next job. My family. Then on most drives home I start to get overwhelmed, anxious, and the energy turns into immediate exhaustion. Why? My children are young and need so much. Being a parent to me is scary, fun, a blessing, and sometimes overwhelming. So my energy goes away and now I'm dreading pulling up to my house. So, I sit in my car ALONE when I pull up. I meditate, listen to music, part of a podcast, or talk to a loved one. Just for about 10 minutes as a buffer between work and home. 

    I struggle with negative self-talk and negative emotions. And this burns my brain and heart out more than I'd like it to. When I use meta-cognition, it helps with the negative self-talk and negative emotions. I think about my thinking---but when I do this, I need and want to be ALONE. I also meditate, read, pray to help me while I process these feelings. 

     And you know what, sometimes I just need a damn break! from everything and all responsibilities. This helps me reset and get a head start on moving forward the next day with a positive mindset. So, sometimes I do stay-cations to find some time alone. I will book a hotel room bring a writing pad and just BE. Be quiet, be alone, read, pray, write, all these things I do with my phone on silent, with the tv off, and this stay-cation works for me every single time. 

      So if you like to be alone sometimes, its not abnormal. It's not selfish. It's not a sign you need help. What it really is, you are normal for wanting alone time. This helps with burnout. You are not selfish, you are utilizing self-care. And last, because you want to be alone sometimes, does not mean you have mental health issues necessarily. But it is a possibility if you suffer from ADHD, Bipolar disorder, Depression, or anxiety  these  mental health disorders can cause you to want to be more introverted .